The emotional disillusionment of praying for our beloved with terminal cancer...or name your health issue, but especially cancer. Not because we have better things to do than pray, but simply because they've started to feel like begging prayers; the worst kind of praying that burns us out and makes us want to give it up altogether.
Jesus is a healer and so we can be too, we are told. Thus, we ask for healing. But they are not healed...
Person 2- Not healed
Person 6- Again, no.
Person 7- Sigh.
Person 8-
Person 10-
Person 14…we prepare our disappointed, disillusioned hearts for goodbye because our prayers can't get past the damn ceiling.
Sometimes, the grieving are blamed for a lack of faith or an unknown spiritual block-- or, the Holy Three can be blamed by assuming it must be Their will.
Yet, I’ve started to liken these healing prayers to the cry of a parent with a new baby that has colic (which is the diagnosis we give to babies who cry at night without stopping, and for no apparent reason).
Night 5 - oh dear Jesus.
Night 12 - please, for the love of everything good in the world…I will do anything if you stop her crying.
Night 18- Jesus?
Night 21 - Jesus. Jesus. In the name of Jesus?
Night 24 -For god's sake are you listening?
And Wisdom responds…
Beloved, if I stopped her crying would you know when to feed her? Change her diaper? Get that uncomfortable burb out? Stop the itch? Put ice on her sore gums? Instead, ask me to help you discern her cries… so you can hear her.
And so I do. And She does. Try this; ask your doctor about this; research this," She says, and I do. It works. Regularly, it works. She had reflux. Bless.
And with each cancerous beloved of ours, we cry out, heal them! Please! You are a healer! What do we have to do for you to respond to us? My god, why are you so silent?
And again, Wisdom replies…
If I healed everyone you loved, which I can do, would you stop caring about my thinning atmosphere? Would you stop caring if chemicals were being used for increased profits? Would you try to stop your company from flooding my rivers with toxins? Would you stop eating food that poisoned your body? If you and your beloved were all healed…would you still be motivated to help the others, including those who have nobody to pray for them...?
...ask me, rather, to guide you. To give you the courage to take all your praying energy into fighting on behalf of my groaning creation... and all my beloved.
“Oh no, I cannot," I reply. "On my own, absolutely not. It's too big. It's too impossible. It’s too, no. I don't have time. capacity. resources."
On your own, you cannot, She agrees, but, with Me when my summoned ones gather...
..and when we pray we are not sending a letter to a celestial White House, where it is sorted among piles of others. We are engaged, rather, in an act of co-creation, in which one little sector of the universe rises up and becomes translucent, incandescent, a vibratory center of power that radiates the power of the universe. History belongs to the intercessors, who believe the future into being. If this is so, then intercession, far from being an escape from action, is a means of focusing for action and of creating action. By means of our intercessions, we veritably cast fire upon the earth and trumpet the future into being. -Walter Wink-
I the Lord of sea and sky, I have heard my people cry - All who dwell in dark and sin, My hand will save. I who made the stars of night, I will make their darkness bright, who will bear my light to them? Whom shall I send?
Here we are, Lord - is it us, Lord? We have heard you calling in the night- we will go, Lord, if you lead us, we will hold your people in our hearts
I the Lord of snow and rain, I have borne my people's pain, I have wept for love of them, They turn away. I will change their hearts of stone, give them hearts for love alone. I will speak my words to them. Whom shall I send?
Here we are, Lord - is it us, Lord? We have heard you calling in the night- we will go, Lord, if you lead us, we will hold your people in our hearts.
I, the Lord of wind and flame, I will tend the poor and lame-I will set a feast for them, My hand will save. Finest bread I will provide, 'til their hearts, be satisfied, I will give my life to them. Whom shall I send?
Here we are, Lord - is it us, Lord? We have heard you calling in the night- we will go, Lord, if you lead us, we will hold your people in our hearts.
References
When I was 19 and living in Scotland working at a conference center called Carberry Towers (when it belonged to the Church of Scotland), this was one of my favorite hymns we often sang in acapella during morning devotions with my team before our shift. Written by Daniel L. Schutte.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zr9SMm1glI
** Note that I have changed I to we in the chorus (Here we are Lord, is it us Lord) as it's so important that this is a unified response from the summoned, gathered Church.
Wink, Walter, Engaging the Powers: Discernment and Resistance in a World of Domination
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